Getting over an ex happens by setting down the weight piece by piece, not by forcing yourself to forget. A breakup is made of many small things: memories, expectations, plans that will not happen, questions that were never answered. Each one needs to be noticed and let go of in its own time. Limit contact, allow yourself to grieve, fill your days with people and purpose, and give the process its natural length rather than expecting it to end in a night.
Why a breakup lingers
- The future disappears. You lose not only a person but the life you pictured with them.
- Habits remain. Your hand still reaches for the phone at the hour they used to call.
- Questions stay open. Why it ended, whether it could have been different.
- Checking keeps the wound fresh. Every look at their profile starts the clock again.
What helps, day by day
- Create distance. Mute or unfollow if you need to. It is not petty; it is giving the wound air.
- Name what you miss. Write the memories and hopes down. Something named is easier to carry than a fog.
- Grieve without shame. Crying, talking it through and sitting with sadness are part of healing, not a failure at it.
- Lean on your people. Friends and family are the best medicine for loneliness, and if the sadness grows heavier than you can manage, talking to someone qualified is a strong step, not a weak one.
- Build something new. A class, a route, a small project. The mind heals faster with somewhere new to go.
The Anatolian custom of forty
In Anatolia, forty days is the old measure of how long it takes for something to close: after a birth, after a loss, the phrase is that the forty has passed. Counting forty chickpeas or stones to mark that close is a known folk practice. My working for heartbreak borrows that measure, and it is called the Forty Chickpeas.
- Your name is written on a paper and placed beneath a small bowl. Their name is never written.
- Forty dried chickpeas are counted into the bowl one by one. Each stands for a memory, an expectation or a what-if tied to the breakup.
- At each sitting a white candle is lit and one chickpea is taken out.
- That chickpea is buried in the soil of a flower pot.
- When the last one has been taken, the bowl is washed.
The chickpeas are not thrown away in anger. They go into soil, where things grow.
The seal: an ordinary bowl
When the fortieth chickpea is gone, the bowl is washed and returned to the kitchen, to its ordinary daily use. That is the seal. The place where the sorrow was held is no longer a special place. It is just a bowl again.
This working does not erase what happened and does not touch the other person at all. It works on your side only, reducing the weight of each piece until the whole can be carried lightly.
Signs the weight is lifting
- Hearing their name without your stomach dropping.
- Listening to an old song all the way through.
- An evening passing without a single thought of them.
- Making a plan that has nothing to do with the past.
Choosing the right working
If what you feel is not only sadness but a pull that keeps drawing you back into something unhealthy, the Cord Cutting Spell is aimed at that tie. If the breakup has left your home and your spirit feeling heavy, the Cleansing Spell clears the air. And when you are ready to turn your care inward, the Self Love Spell is a natural next step. The Get Over Your Ex Spell is for the heartbreak itself.
About staying friends
Many people ask whether they should stay friends with an ex. Sometimes, much later, it works. Right after a breakup it usually keeps the wound open, because every friendly message carries a small hope. Give yourself a season of real distance first. If friendship is meant to come, it will still be possible once the weight has gone, and it will be a friendship rather than a waiting room.
Give it its natural length
Healing is not a straight line. Some days will feel like the first day again. That does not mean you are going backwards; it means another chickpea is being lifted.
When the bowl is set and the first chickpea taken, I send you a written record of the working and the first signs of lightness to look for.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to get over an ex?
It varies with the length and depth of the relationship. Many people feel noticeably lighter within a few months, though some reminders can sting for longer. Distance and support speed it along.
How do I stop thinking about my ex?
Reduce reminders, stop checking their profiles and give your mind new places to go. Writing down what you miss can also help, because a named thought is easier to put down.
Is it normal to still miss an ex after months?
Yes. Missing someone long after a breakup is common, especially if the relationship was long or ended suddenly. The feeling tends to soften gradually rather than stop at once.
Does a get over your ex spell affect the ex?
No. This working acts only on you. Their name is never written, and nothing is done to them. It lessens the weight you carry, piece by piece.
Get Over Your Ex Spell
The Forty Chickpeas: for the heartbreak that will not loosen its grip, working only on you.
